Monday, July 30, 2007

Mexico

I am not a big fan of cars. Not sure if you have noticed, but they aren't my thing. So, not being into cars kind of means that I am also not into gigantic fucking trucks. I have always looked at those dudes rolling around in those huge trucks and wondered, "What in the name of God is that person thinking?" Well, this weekend I was one of those dudes. Crazy, huh. I roll up to my cousin's house ready to demolish Mexico in some serious, bachelor party action and am greeted by a raised, pickup truck with a ATV, type quad-thing in the back. Turns out that Joe, the dude driving us to Mexico is indeed one of those truck dudes. I drove all the way to Rosarito, wedged in the back of this dudes truck, and I swear to Jesus we listened to the entire Lil' Jon album. All of it, and then the Ying Yang twins greatest hits. Jeah! Not to be too explicit, but by the end, my balls were bruised from the massive speaker that I was sitting on the whole ride there. And that was just the ride there. Highlights later included. 1) Gettting pulled over by the cops at 8 in the morning for being too rad. 2) Paying our way out of said infraction 3) getting myself lost, literally lost, in a mexican bathroom and that had no lights. 10 minutes yall. 4) Hanging out at the dunes where all the other raised-truck, little jon listening-to dudes congregated. 5) deep conversations with strippers. And a whole bunch of bachelor party ish. I never want to hear another pitbull song again.

Treat Yourself

Got linked to this shit thanks to the homies at Lords of Apathy, check their GIF game, it is on point.

WET CAT BLOG, DUNNY!

Its almost the first of tha month...

Wednesday, July 25, 2007

File Under: Are You Fucking Joking?


Could life be any fucking radder? Bun B, of UGK fame, has a blog. Check the post in which he uses the unfortunate fate of the veterans of the USS Indianapolis (they got eaten by sharks) as a metaphor for the rap game. " Shout out to my hip-hop survivors and the survivors of the USS Indianapolis!"
His ellipses game is also on point. Holla at ya boy.

Tuesday, July 24, 2007

Balls Deep

"They are like a gang of butt-fucking werewolves."-Baby Balls
There really is no way to describe my love for VBS.TV this show, Balls Deep His newest show is about Colombian Sewer Kids! Hurray! These guys do some grimy ass shit for pure love of doing grimy shit, which is absolutely awesome. Nice Brigade, eat your grass fed, organically raised hearts out.



















You are welcome, now stop watching America's Top Food Network Star. THat shit has got me real sour on the Food Network right now, although their "Latin Giada," (my dad's terminology) has some serious potential. Holla!

Monday, July 23, 2007

Chocolate Rain

This morning I woke up and the ground was wet. I knew, because I was sleeping on it. Psyche! I rushed to the paper, thinking that our most massive drought of all time was over. It wasn't, we only got a hundreth of an inch. How wussy is that? Anyway, the good thing is that there is plenty of chocolate rain to go around today.






This song's name is "LA will make you pay," which is true, because this shit is mad expensive.
Burton Inc.-LA Will Make You Pay
This is disco madness, not like hipster disco-punk or some lame crap. Like "Disco Sucks" disco.

You may have heard that mashups suck. You may, in fact, have heard this from me. Usually that is true, but check this mash of Spacehog (?!?!) with that Party Like a Rockstar song, whose only redeemable value is the T-t-t-totally dude part.
DJ Skeet skeet's Totally Dude Megamix

Saturday, July 21, 2007

Israeli Baile Funk

It was bound to happen eventually.
Sabbo+Kuti+Rando Israeli Chick

The good news is that the palestinians are still winning the fashion war, even if it just by attrition.

And, like totally OMG, have you heard the new "Same Girl" remix with T-Pain. The drama continues with Usher, R, Kelly AND mister TEDDY PENDERASS (self ascribed). I don't even know what to say about this, but I will point out that the plot now is that Usher and Kels were boning the same girl, but then it turns out that this same girl is IN FACT T-Pain's wife. Don't worry T-Pain, maybe after decades of Kels' tutelage, you too can be a womanizing man-slut who pees on people. And is an effing genius.

Wait, did that post just kick ass or what? I surprise even myself sometimes.

Friday, July 20, 2007

Crackberry


So I just got one of those phones that look like they were sent back from the future to suck all the life out of you by supplying you with constant access to Perez Hilton. It is a blackberry pearl and I really have absolutely no feelings towards it one way of the other, neither stoked nor bummed. I am, however, a little skeptical. It does things without me asking. It knows what I want before I want it. Small inexplicable chirping noises come from it. Sometimes I feel that it is mad at me for not getting it a leather holster and a blue tooth headset. I also found out that it is a bit of a prude. The other day I was texting someone and I wanted to make clear that I thought that they were a "fucking douche bag." The phone wouldn't do it. Apparently, Blackberry in all of their predictive-texting wisdom, neglected to put the words "fucking" or "douche" in the phone's robotic brain. I had to wrestle with the phone for about 5 minutes until I was seriously doubting my diction. Was it really necessary to relay this sentiment, or was I just being bombastic? I rethought it and just wrote "f u." Thanks blackberry.

Tuesday, July 17, 2007

X-Mas






I am not exactly what one would call, erm, employable. In fact I have always sort of disliked making resumes, not because it is boring, but because it is when I have to come to grips with the fact that my employment history is a catalogue of embarassment. It is partially my dislike for seeking employment that leads me into these jobs (2 weeks at Jamba Juice, professional box cutter, "tutor," &c) and then the list of shitty jobs grows and-voila- here I am typing this in a cramped side-room at my friend's dad's house, getting paid to sort Christmas CDs. I am not joking. The man only has two piles of CDs, Christmas CDs and non-Christmas CDs. It is actually quite outstanding. My favorite one that I have found is Mannheim Steamroller. For those of you whose parents were not the biggest dweebs of all time, Mannheim is a sort of synth band from when "synth band" didn't mean Orgy. They pretty much just made Christmas music to my knowledge and, I swear to god, it is the most god awful crap I have ever heard. When I was a kid, though, I would beg for them to put that shit on and then just lay in front of the speakers and let the computer version of ode to joy pour over my virgin ears. It is times like this that I have to pat myself on the back for somehow becoming so rad, in spite of the Mannheim Steamroller and the short shorts. Then again, I am sitting in a side-room sorting some dude's CDs, so I guess that is not that rad.

PS Maybe we should have a serious discussion about that picture of me sometime. Just sayin.

Friday, July 13, 2007

Monday, July 9, 2007

Lloydski


My personal hero and idol combined, Unemployed Lloyd now has a blog. So right after you get done reading my awesome and very well frequented blog you should check out his, because it is like mine, but funnier. Please come back.