Merry Birthday Jesus!

I am sorry for the late post, but my dad apparently doesn't believe in the internet...thus I have been cut off from lame blogs, youtube and all of you. I apologize. I want to take this opportunity to wish everyone a Merry Christmas, I hope you all ate too much and had awkward conversations with your family! I know I did.

This christmas, I made a mix-cdfor my dad. I made the mix CD not only because I am poor (I am) but because my father has, over the course of my 25ish years, has paid for a lot of music lessons, instruments and put up with a lot of crap at my hands and he likes to have physical confirmation that I actually am involved in making music/listening to music. So this CD includes some of my favorites from this year (although very few are new) as well as some unreleased Steak Fingaz heaters that I engineered especially for this CD. I also had to edit out most of the cuss words because I gave a copy to my Grandmother and she doesn't like curse words. Go figure. So there you have it. I cannot stress enough the fact that this CD might not be "cool" enough for much of you internet dwellers. There are very few blog-house tracks, or baltimore club remixes of indie rock songs. THere is a little too much reggae, but Grammie like reggae. I encourage you all to click on the amazing cover art to download this and be merry. Holler!

Alternate DL link.
Track List
Lindonéia-Nara Leão
Are You That Somebody RMX-Aaliyah ft. Danja Mouf
One Two-Sister Nancy
Rascal Man/False Rasta-Delroy Wilson
Thugmanitis (Tussin Version)-Steak Fingaz
This Life Makes Me Wonder-Delroy Wilson (again)
International Players Anthem (Steak Fingaz Chchoosey Retrofit)-UGK ft. Outkast
Aerodynamic (Slum Village RMX)-Daft Punk
Sidewayz-Dâm-Funk
The Reggae Beat Goes On-Family Choice
Hold On (Modeselektor RMX)-Apparat
Emotions (DJ Copy RMX)-Mariah Carey (thanks Lauren)
I Can't Go For That-Hall & Oates
Running Up That Hill-Kate Bush
Discobbedisco-Al Usher
Blue Skies-My My
Gimme All Kindz Uv Snackz-Steak Fingaz vs. DFA
Hold On-Romanthony
I Got The Feeling-2 Tons O' Fun
Do It At the Disco-Gary's Gang
My Area (Frog RMX)-Steak Fingaz

My Urrea

I almost forget dudes and dudettes, STEAKFINGAZ HAS A NEW TRACKKKKKKKKKK! Get your asses over to da SteakSpace and download them shits and then burn it on a cd and give it to your cousins.

I Am Legend

This movie blew so much ass, I would have left if I hadn't bought a bucket of beers already. It is sort of like Omega Man, but without all the kickass parts.
But Sexface, you may be saying, If it sucks so hard, why is it the HIGHEST GROSSING FILM IN THE COUNTRY/WORLD? The obvious answer is that everyone sucks. The real answer, though, lies in the fact that people are starting to get the idea that the world as we know it is going to end relatively soon. Think about it...global warming...American led WWWIII on god knows who...pandemic...continued writer's striker meaning, leaving only reality TV. So people want to see movies about the end of the world, so they will know what to do. Apparently, what Will Smith did was steal some diesel jeans and muscle shirts and do some push-ups. Then he talked to his dog. Then he half-assed a fight with some unconvincing CGI monsters. Then Alice Braga showed up. Then he SAVED THE WORLD. Hurray. I would recommend that people not only don't see this movie, but do as I did and stand outside of the theater and tell people not to see it. That is what Jesus would do. I think.

Nathan Barley

The irony is not lost on me that I am putting these Youtube videos about how lame the internet is on my blog. That is how ironic and hip I am. Believe.



The British are killing it right now in the snark department. Not so much in the teeth department.

Get Rad

What's up dudes? I just finished my last paper and I am fucking maxin, reading Bataille and drinking Sparks!!!!! Unfortunately, though, my beat makin' software has gone caput (sp?) because them shits was pirated as crap. I was in the middle of lacing some fat beats (read: sitting in my room on a pile of clothes and stealing some drum breaks off an mp3 that my Dad gave me) and the internet told me to fuck myself. So here I am, attempting to lace fat beats with SoundForge and an old drum machine. Not as rad as it sounds.
Anyway, I am trying to go on a bender, but all of my friends are wussies. All I could manage was to get a hangover and spend my whole day on Myspace. Or should I say SteakSpace. Oh, and listening to this Dancehall mix by the inimitable Ross Hogg. Download that shit and weep for your speakers. Holler!

Steak Fingaz is Going to Cause Rapflation

Watch out Dudes/dudettes. Steak Fingaz has officially hit the scene. Saturday night we had our first and second shows, at consecutive house parties. The good things about this was the fact that we came out of the gates mad hard and showed Austin exactly who runs this shit. (clarification: we do) Now if we can just unseat that god damn Pete Bjorn and John. Fucking assholes. The bad thing about playing two parties in one night is that we didn't get to properly bask in the adoration that was coming our way; several chicks at the first party were left unhollered-at. The second party had more than one dude in tevas. By the time we made it back to the real party, all that was left was whiskey and devilled eggs (I am not complaining). The only real problem with our eminent success is that it might cause rapflation, causing the price of hos to go up.

Check the pics here.

Porn House

This song really gets me kind of hot and bothered.

Great Fucking News

Don't tell Willie Hutch (please), but Steak Fingaz took his song "I Choose You" and made it approximately 9000 times better. Or at least now there are more Dipset references in it (Willie didn't manage any). Go to the Steakspace and jam that shit on 11, yo! This one was recorded with a real vocal microphone. Pros of this? You can hear the vocals. Cons of this? You can hear the vocals.

The practical problem with outdoing ourselves with every single song is that pretty soon we will be physically unable to make a doper jam. We will have to just go on hiatus until the technology catches up, I will need that super computer that beats Russian dudes at chess to compose the uber-jammers that I have cooking in my brain.

And God So Loved the Earth...

That he gave us the Sensual Seduction mp3. Thanks Lloydski.

Sensual Seduction

This video is currently blowing my mind. Snoop channeling Rick James (?) in a video that looks like it was bootlegged off a late-80's beta tape. Pharrell take note, it is not necessary to suck ass when singing.

Snoop Dogg - Sensual Seduction [EXCLU]
Uploaded by PeteRock

9 Days Since My Last Post

OMG, are you guys ok? I hope that you haven't been worried, I meant to call, but things got hectic and you know...(trails off)

You will all be extremely happy to know that my rap trio, Steak Fingaz is continuing its ascent to world dominance. My production skills are so on point it is scary. I am like one of those kids on the X-Files that can levitate shit with their minds. I scare myself. Don't hate. We have 28 myspace friends, son! Where the fuck are you right now? That's what I thought.

I have spent the last few days in Los Angeles, metropolitan region of my birth and I have to tell you, that place still is the balls. I talked to a lot of folks about how much we hate LA and how much we love to hate LA and then I ate at a taco stand. I also checked out some movies...

No Country For Old Men: Eh. I know, I know...its the greatest movie to include a pneumatic pump, but didn't it seem like there was a little too much happening in this movie? For example, can someone tell me what the shit it was ABOUT? Was it about old dudes (Tommy Lee Jones) and how life changes and doesn't that suck? Or was it about Anton killing the shit out of fools, just because he had to? I don't know. It seems that, judging by the screen time, it was about Anton, but then at the end, here comes Tommy Lee Jones and then you are like, Hold on, is there some sort of shitty moral to this?

Love in the Time of Cholera: This was the worst pile of shit that I have seen in a long time. There is a lot of old man butt in this movie, something I don't recall from the book.

Battlestar Galactica: Razor: Any movie starring an asian chick with an australian accent is fine by me. Even if it is technically a TV movie. On the SciFi Channel.

Los Gauchos de Acero

Listen, I know that I am late on this boat, but check out this metal band from Argentina. I want to adopt that little girl, on the real.

Ice Cube is a Pimp

Seriously, people might be stoked that now rappers rep St. Louis and Michigan, but does anyone notice the corresponding slide in quality? Do we really need D12 in our lives?

Westside.

Snacks and Drugz

I am glad to see that both Mike Jones and PRGz are down with SteakFingaz's subject matter.





PS. Do you think that Mike Jones was really the first one with that Myspace page? I bet he ganked it from some other, anonymous arizonan mike jones. I wonder if he paid him off or if he just shanked the fool.

I Hate Racism/Steakfingaz Rulez

We (me) here at Sexfacerulez hate racism. Can't stand the stuff. In fact that is why we blast this song at all times.

In light of this, I was very troubled to hear about this development from the porn world, someplace that I have learned a lot of things from.

Use Of 'N-Word' May End Porn Star's Career

Hey, and speaking of rap music, bad words and ponytails, I figure it is time for yall to hear about the newest thing to hit the internets...SteakFingaz. Steakfingaz is a rap supergroup consisting of Sarah Smith (aka Harriet Thugman), Ryan P. Young (aka Snackface) and Myself (aka Sexface Killah). Our subject matter is pretty much snacks, booty and faces, and the overlap between the three. I just put a picture on teh the myspace so it is officially over for the rap game. Someone tell Jay-Z that I already wrote all of his shit before he even thought of it. Anyway, we only have 2 friends one myspace right now and Tom is still smuggly dominating the top 8 (really 4). So, befriend us on myspace, listen to our song (more coming this weekend) and tell your friends to add us, so that we can start getting Macy's myspace spam from them, holler!

PS. Our music is pretty NSFW, so watch out.

Charts representing rap

Look at this, I would summarize...but suffice to say that it has to do with Supermaning hos. Rap Charts.

The Office is On Strike

I am not used to Unions. I kind of like all of this camaraderie, though.

I am totally stoked on these guys...god damned internet taking our jobs...

Here's the Thing

Dudes, this little girl is fucking blowing my mind right now! Imagine the Xbox capabilities of four arms! Halo for days. What is so amazing about this article is the part where they point out that she is considered to be a reincarnated god in her village, but still, we gots to cut her up and make her normal. Hmm...

Oh and France? You blow. I have always said, the real lame-asses are not the bullies, but those douches who want to be the bullies. France is now in this group. Anybody who looks at the Bush administration and says, I will stand by you, no matter what, deserves to be fucking institutionalized. Part of Sarkozy's rationale is that America "saved" France during WWII, and therefore, the frogs are in our eternal debt. What about the fact that without France, we wouldn't even be a country? Who were we going to rely on during the Revolution, Portugal?

Happy Sunday

Life is good.

Werewolf Bar Mitzvah

You know what? Sometimes a dude just has to post the Tracy Morgan jamerino, Werewolf Bar Mitzvah and hope that you love it.

Everybody who bemoans the state of music these days needs to step off. This is what the internet is for, son! Think about it, before the internets, Tracy Morgan would have just looked as his bros and said, Dudes, wouldn't it be super-awesome if we made a song called Werewolf Bar Mitzvah? And dudes would have been like, Yeah, pass me the bong. And that would have been it.

Seriously?
Seriously.

Not A Good Week

It hasn't been a good last 7 days for me. I think I might have been depressed, but often it is really difficult for me to tell if I am depressed or if I am hung over. They tend to happen in tandem. It all started out the other day when I came home and my dog had eaten a pen and that shit exploded all over my bed. Then I got a cold sore and then two simultaneous pairs of pants got a rip in the ass area. That pretty much exhausted my pant supply. And then, last night, I ate a gang of chinese food and then passed out at 8pm. I just woke up and it is 4 in the morning, and I have nothing to do except for fold clothes and listen to house music and it is fucking righteous. Nothing like a good dose of MSG to set the old noggin right. Let's get it poppin!!! I am going back to LA for Thanksgiving, so gird your loins, Angelenos. I have to pick up my books before them shits burn down.

Listen to this Song

Any record entitled, Fuck Me I'm Famous has got to be good.

The 90's

I guess it was just a matter of time before we all realized that the 90's were rad. Almost everything about shitty 90's music/fashion/lifestyle was awesome...remember how sincerely people didn't give a fuck? When someone had a flannel shirt and wore doc martens and smoked crap cigarettes, they meant that shit. There was absolutely 0 ironic distance and I have to give them props for that. Now it costs 65 dollars at Urban Outfitters to not give a fuck. Looking like you don't give a fuck has become a pretty lucrative business all and all.

My man over at The21GunSalute has been showing love for the 90's in his last few posts. Check out his awesome tribute to Big Johnson T-Shirts, as well as the mix of the most uncool music of all time. Holler at me, Collective Soul!

California is On Fire

You probably knew that, but it is has seemed rather surreal to me to think that the place where I grew up is in eminent danger of burning down. Sucks. Thank God we have FEMA to protect us...what do you think Fearless Leader?

"I will continue to make sure that our efforts are co-ordinated, and that we are responsive to the needs of people... we offer our prayers and hopes that all will turn out fine in the end," Mr Bush said. (BBC News)

Turn out fine in the end? Wow, that sounds like a pretty familiar strategy, you dumb fuck.

Àguas de Março

Sorry for the lack of blogging, I've been trying really hard to read some books and think some deep thoughts. All I got around to was smoking a gang of pot and watching the X-Files.
Here is my favorite song of all time, if anyone knows any short-haired Brazilian chicks with gorgeous voices, tell them that I am available.

Steven Colbert Eats Maureen Dowd's Face

(not really)

check out this op-ed by Steven Colbert. Includes such pearls of wisdom as.

"Surprised to see my byline here, aren’t you? I would be too, if I read The New York Times. But I don’t. So I’ll just have to take your word that this was published. Frankly, I prefer emoticons to the written word, and if you disagree :(

...

Bad things are happening in countries you shouldn’t have to think about. It’s all George Bush’s fault, the vice president is Satan, and God is gay.

There. Now I’ve written Frank Rich’s column too."

Happy Sunday. List to this jam imediatamente! Like now, punk!

Random Thoughts

First of all, go see 2046. This movie, which didn't come out recently, is one of the most beautiful things that I have seen in a minute. I am totally not referring to the multiple bonerific-yet-tasteful scenes with Zhang Ziyi, though I am not hating on that. The dude in this movie brings new meaning to the role of that chinese dude with a moustache who pretty much just makes hot chicks cry. Amazing. I love you, Kar Wai Wong, if you ever want to hang out, drop me a myspace message.

This video blows so much ass...it is seriously shaking my rock-solid commitment to dance music.

Someone must pay.

I went to a really shitty mall yesterday, and it was fantastic. In LA, I would pretty much just frequent cushy ass malls that are outdoors and have fountains. This mall was this angular, dead-looking structure marooned in a gigantic parking lot sea. It was awe-inspiring and horrible to look at. Once inside, I came face to face with the graveyard of pop culture as I wandered in and out of shitty hot-topic rip off stores and ogled to "street wear" and all over print hoodies. I forgot how there is no time in a mall, it is always 3pm, right after 6th period. Fuck yeah mall culture.

LOS ANGELES!!!!!!

Why is it that when I try to big up my city, I sound like an incoherent dumbass. When this dude does it, shit sounds RADICAL.

For me, this pretty much cements BLDGBLOG's dominance of the world.

God I love LA, I see you Randy Newman! Let's get it CRACKIN!!!!

Even Thom Yorke Can

...get down.

A lot has been made of the fact that Radiohead is allowing fans to set their own price for their new album, which is [extremely] questionably title, In Rainbows–but I want to get you guys hooked up with this XXXChange remix of the Eraser. I thought that this song, like all songs, just needed more thump. Turns out I was right.
PS In Rainbows? Dudes are so lucky that they rock balls.

FROM THE DESK OF DR. STEVE BOATENG

FROM THE DESK OF DR STEVE BOATENG
CHAIRMAN ECOWAS CONTRACT AWARDING
COMMITTEE ECOWAS FUND HEADQUARTERS
P.M.B.5028 ACCRA-REPUBLIC OF GHANA.




Greetings to you.I am Dr. Steve Boateng.The chairman,
Contract-Awarding Committee of the Economic Community of West African states (ECOWAS) with its fund headquarters in Accra Ghana. I got your information in a professional database when I was searching through Internet for a reliable, honest and trustworthy person to entrust this business with.



We wish to transfer the sum of( USD45,500,000.00) Into your
personal or company's bank account.It is however agreed, as the account owner in this deal to allow you 30% of the entire sum as compensation,65% will be held on trust for us while 5% will be used to defray any incidental charges and cost during the course of the transaction.



Please urgency is needed as we do not know the time our organization will start the payment hence it is necessary to start on time to forestall any hitch while transferring the fund into your designated account.



YOUR NAME:OCCUPATION: AGE: PHONE NUMBER:NAME OF

YOUR BANK..

Hoping to hear from you.



Best regards.
Dr. Steve Boateng.

Poon

Do you know why I hate this country? Not because we are mean people. Not because we are cowboy jerks who run around the planet crapping on the weak and the powerless. People who think that are giving us too much credit. It is because even the party that is supposed to be the realistic-rough-riding-you-hippies-can't-handle-the-cold-reality-of-the-free-market-economy-which-is-a-historical-inevitability party is a bunch of poonanies. And if the guys who are supposed to be jerks are wieners, then what chance do we really have? Check out this republican lawmaker ALMOST FUCKING CRYING about the the indecency of Janet Jackson's nipple.

Seriously, yall.

Daft Hands

Ladies and gentlemen, I give you Daft Hands.

Don't you ever wonder where shit like this was filmed? My money is on mom's basement.

Interiors

Kind of makes me wish I had a house to interior design...maybe one that wasn't constantly in danger of falling down.

Worst Place On Earth

Some of you may know that I am on a personal crusade against Metro coffee house. I would contend that it is the worst establishment in Austin. They are currently playing an entire album of Sade covers...in French. Shit is very weak.

In case you were wondering, I did go to the DJ Rupture show and it was truly amazing. He never ceases to amaze me. Plus, my friend and I stumbled upon a private event at the same bar where we managed to get some free booze. I think the bartendress snuck some grain alcohol into our drinks, because I was so drunk I went blind two hours in to the show. Big up to AMODA for putting on a great show.

More In You Than You

Why have I not been posting? Because I have been reading shit that this guy wrote.

Deep? Crazy? Who knows.

Holy Fuck

Sometimes I feel like I am literally just copy and pasting shit from Lords of Apathy, but their shit is on point!

Check this video from grime MC's Mention and DubbleEdge, both of whom happen to be my friends on teh Space. Odd.

Word

Mapei may be the truth.

I Am Trying Not to Gush

I am so stoked that I can barely type. I have been reduced to a quivering pile of ectoplasmic joy. I have been shouting at my dog, who looks confused. DJ /rupture is coming to Austin. I discovered Rupture's work a few years ago with the Minesweeper Suite, a mix CD that manages to connect the dots from the Maghreb to the favela, from Missy Elliot to Kingston...all without sounding contrived. DJ /rupture is the anti-Putamayo. World music in the real sense, not some voyeuristic, embroidered Guatemalan coin purse crap. Rupture is also aligned with the aforementioned 893 and keeps a great blog that will clue you into struggle music from around the globe. I uploaded some jams for y'all to check out.

This is a blend he did with Skream's Midnight Request Line and Knuck If You Buck. Dubstep and the dirty dirty together at last.


I fucked this up, so you have to download it, but just trust that it is worth it. This is an excerpt from Minesweeper Suite that includes Wax Poetics, Sade and a whole bunch of other radness.
Minesweeper chunklet

A remix that rupture did for Architecture in Helsinki that actually ended up being substantially better than the original.



There seems to be some sort of warping occurring with the embedded player. If it persists, just download that ish.

Was Kate Bush Hot?

I think so. This song at least, is fucking amazing.

Andre 3000 Is a Retarded Genius

I would recommend that you turn this song off after the first minute. It really is atrocious, but Andre 3000 reasserts his dominance. He references Mel Gibson, Whole Foods and tofu in 30 seconds.

There is a reason why this guy can wear safari hats and I can't.
On the "actually not that bad" tip.

Terrible News

God hates us, as is evinced by the fact that that one dude who cried on YouTube about Britney Spears is going to get a TV show.

Mind Blowage

You know when you are reading something that is supposed to blow your mind and you can actually see the place where the author was trying to blow your mind? But really you just think, Wow, that was supposed to blow my mind, what a d-bag. (I see you Derrida, or David Foster Wallace, or the Matrix, or Hare Krishnas) Well, this is not that. I have some real mind blowage for y'all, in the form of the man who has probably brought bogging to a realm of artistry never before seen by mankind. I give you, Umeancompetitor. I have been trying to understand what the fuck is happening with this blog for a looooong time...to no avail. I can tell you one thing, though. He, 893, has invented a technique of making GIFs called giffordization, which is an homage to Frank Gifford. These GIFs were specifically designed to kill epileptics. The blog seems to concern mainly Michael McDonald, Star Wars Haircuts, Epcot Center, Dipset and posting lots of rap music. He is probably also autistic or a genius. Participate.

PS. Jim, you are going to crap.

Ricky Gervais

Ricky motherfucking Gervais was in an 80's band called Seona Dancing...mascara and all. Check out the vids at the TTL blog. Big ups to those guys for cluing the world in on this and having dope in-store performances.

On a Lighter Note

Nothing like belittling people who are better at you at sports...for not being able to rap.

Maybe Kobe should have learned his lesson.

Don't Taser Me Dude

Pigs are the detritus of society. I really believe this and me saying it has provoked several very, impassioned, incoherent sissy fits from people who have police officers in their families (my uncle is a cop and he gave me a gift certificate to Sharper Image last Christmas, so all cops are great people). I always feel that they need to realize that all they are is the blunt object wielded by the turds in the legislature against the rest of us morons. Nothing is worse than some pig waxing poetic about protecting people and caring and bullshit when we all know that the only function of the modern state is to protect property and its owners and if you are not a property owner, then fuck off. All of this does not suffice to make them "the detritus of society," though. What makes them the detritus of society is the fact that they blow at their jobs. Nothing is a better example than the taser. People go, "Well it is better than shooting someone." Are those now the two options? Doing nothing and shooting someone? Tasers are only used because these doughy tards are either too dumb or too pussy to tackle someone and put them in a headlock. I once saw a homeless guy who was guilty of running around with no pants on get tasered in LA. If your whole job is subduing people and beating their heads in, don't you think that you can learn judo or something? What a bunch of slobs.
Here is a video of some dude getting tazed while trying to ask a question at a John Kerry talk. What the hell was Kerry doing during this?

PS: If I got tazed I think that I might crap myself out of spite.
Linked from LOA.

Sometime I am Proud to Be Catholic

Rarely. But I just found out the Pope told Condi to go fuck herself with her "Meeting to discuss the situation in Iraq." When are these Wal Mart Christians going to realize that Catholics aren't the same as them. We drink much more.

Last.fm

Dudes, I am now part the human race. I have a Last.fm account. Upside: now you can confirm the radness of my musical tastes. Downside: You are probably going to think that I am mad gay, since one of my most played artists of all time is Madeleine Peyroux.
Don't fucking look at me like that. Tell me you have never gone to bed after a few too many chardonnays and listened to "Between the Bars." No? Me neither.

I'm Totally Crushing

This is getting embarrassing.

Isn't That What Makes a Man?

"Mmm....sure that a pair of testicles."

Its feminisms week in Theory class! Sweet. Simone de Beauvoir kicked Sartre's ass, but I got to say Virginia Woolf is not my steez. I like my writings more polysyllabic. Be that as it may, I have solved the flipside of their problem. What makes a man? The crazy thing is that it has nothing to do with dicks or balls or adam's apples or football or anything like that...it has to do with grocery shopping. To explain:

Yesterday I was in HEB–a chain of Texas-sized grocery stores–which is a very traumatic experience for someone of my disposition and it is even worse when there are tons of people. People buying flats of Diet Coke Plus, just because they are on sale. People touching all of the produce. People buying microwavable preservative bombs that will likely give them nut cancer which they will blame on something else. God has left this place. What is more pathetic are the dazed-looking pseudo-hippies with their HEB-brand organic canned beans, wandering about, pretend condescending. Everyone loves a good deal. And then there is the checkout line. The worst part of the check-out line is either the bratty kids who are listening to their iPods while their mothers try to reprimand them, or the magazines, I can't decide. The magazines are always extremely thumbed and leafed around so that they actually look like the foliage to the godless corridor that one has to traverse to pay for the 9-dollar, 4 lbs block of cheese. So I am there, depressed and convinced that I am going to die and be reincarnated as a 40-year-old checker with acne at HEB just because that is how shit goes; and then I look in front of me. Here is this woman, who appears to be talking to her mate, life partner, whatever the hell people call the person that impregnates you nowadays, on the cell phone. I say impregnate because there are quite a few packages of diapers and child-rearing crap on the belt. Come to think of it, there is a lot of crap on the belt. All kinds of first aid stuff–alcohol, neosporin, asprin, that stuff that clears up poison ivy, moleskin–cleaning supplies, food for a year, school supplies, the odd candle, beverages of all sorts, the list goes on. I look at my cart. Sandwich-related accoutrements, estimated to last for 4 days. Too much cheese. I forwent buying a bottle of oil because I am convinced that there is no reason why it should cost 12 dollars. Ill use my roommate's butter. This is really what being a guy is about. Buying the absolute least necessary to survive, hell, having the absolute least necessary to survive. I don't own a vacuum. I have one set of sheets that I wash once every two weeks (or so). Why the crap would I have more? If I get poison ivy, I will endure it until it becomes more than apparent that I am going to kill myself and then I will bike to Walgreens and buy the lotion and STILL BE PISSED. I was thinking that this might also be why guys don't want to get married. Then you have to buy the shit, or at least act like you think it is important to buy the shit. The worst would be to buy the shit before you don't have to, like imagining that someday a girl is going to come over and go, Why don't you have a bread knife? Aren't you a real person? Or maybe we all want the bread knife, but the girl gives us the out to tell our buddies, Oh yeah, my lady wanted to buy that thing, what a drag. In reality we are all, Fuck yeah, bread knife! That is all.

I'm the Bionic Man

As promised, I present to you my gross-ass scar. Now they claim that this time it will be smaller than the last one, but they also warned me that in a few years I might need cosmetic surgery to make sure that the scar tissue doesn't pull one nipple higher than the other. That would be embarrassing.

In the News.

Australian woman killed by exotic camel cock.

Hillary

Dude: Will you continue to accept lobbyist's money?
Hillary Clinton: Yes, I will.

Keep in mind that this was at some DailyKos convention, probably the most active "NetRoots" group possible. What a moron.

Im Alive

GET ON MY LEVEL!!!
Sexface: 1, Congenital heart Disorder : 0

That's right, I just had a 50, 000 dollar unit implanted in my chest son! That's like a mid-range sedan. What you got? I was going to post some pictures but my incision looks kind of gross. Just wanted to tell you that I am going to be back on the internets, cause through the marvels of modern science, I now have plenty of time to waste.
Speaking of wasting time, look what I uploaded today.

Giuliani is a D-Bag

We all know that Guiliani is a colossal fuck. You can never, I repeat NEVER, trust someone who has or had a comb over. A comb over is the coiffure equivalent of someone lying in your face and you know it and they know it but they just don't give a shit. That is what a combover is. I recommend that you public shame anyone who thinks this guy is dope.
PS check out the chuckle when he gets called out on Fox News.
Check out The Real Rudy if you want more dirt.

Real Talk

I just found this blog, via TSS, that seems to have the exact same sense of humor that I do. Above, witness them having a roundtable discussion about possibilities for the next R. Kelly song. Outstanding.

Great Moments in Internet Literature

I just received this email, you need to read it in its entirety to get the full effect:

You know that shape of humans.
Well humans are nothing like that.
But kept secret hidden inside somewhere.
Is where their circle is at.
Hi, guys!
Does my inner candle,
cast shadows on my cell.
Or does wind and castle,
cast shadows on my shell.
I am a vivacious woman with a variety of talents, seeking kind gentlemen for private encounters.
When you walk near a puddle at night,
and you see it contains the stars.
Then you pretend you comprehend,
that is what atoms are.
I am very healthy and fit. I offer a no-hassle, no-rush, playful, sensuous session.

It's all about the word impedance,
do you dream of that.
Like a dance on figure skates,
to stop you they react.
Whether you are looking for an hour or an evening of enjoyment, complete satisfaction awaits you!

%LIST[1][140]

Apparently, the poem fragments were randomly selected from some shitty Canadian's website, rearranged, sexified and then sent to me. Seriously, this stuff really gets me going. I have enjoyed reading this spam email much more than half of the crap that I have read in Grad School (I am looking at you, Lukacs).

I Cry A Lot

I seriously don't know what to make of Bush sometimes. Apparently he recently sat down with a reporter and had some "real talk." He talked about his legacy (apparently he knows that its shit) and how he is going to move to Dallas, get bored and go clear brush. What a fuck face. And then he tells the reporter that he, "Cries a lot." Are you joking me? Has he sunk so low that he is doing the "guys-cry-too" routine (I didn't know that was a routine). It is so much more degrading to have your country shit on by a wuss.
Full article here.

Embarassing Indie Rock Moment: Guillemots

So, even I, sometimes, wake up hungover and I just don't want to hear an obscure house track from 1982. Or listen to a T-Pain remix of some Akon song that R. Kelly wrote and Timbaland produced and Justin Timberlake choreographed. It is in these moments that I look around secretively and...listen to some whiny indie rock. Sorry, it has to happen some times, I am way more disappointed with myself than you are, so no sweat.
Guillemots is an excellent band, they really are. I bought their CD (? seriously, what is this? 2001?) in Austin, I believe, when I came out here to visit the first time. Back in those halcyon days when I was convinced that every chick in Austin was like Feist and that people would dig my really interesting thoughts. Then I realized that Feist is kind of annoying and my thoughts aren't really all that interesting. I can safely say that there is nothing innovative in this music, just good song writing and pretty snappy instrumentation (French Horns really impress me). Download this ish and make fun of me later.

Trains to Brazil
Made Up Lovesong 43

It Came From the Hard Drive

My external hard drive has a life of its own, I sometimes feel that it downloads shit while I am asleep. Maybe one day I will wake up and it will be gone, moved to the new Robot City in Korea, lamping with all of the other self-aware harddrives. I am constantly finding astounding things on there, sometimes I put the iTunes on shuffle and I will leave the room, come back and be like, What the fuck is this? Kid Rock? And once it was. (side note: I am pretty sure that at one point in my life, I was on the quest to find the worst song ever made, my homie and I had a contest. This led to not a few drunk downloads of the Kobie Bryant rap album and the aforementioned Kid Rock/Sheryl Crow collabo.) So I found this track on my computer the other day and I really have no idea where it came from. It doesn't suck, though, it is actually kind of rad, so prepare yourself.
Camille-Assise (both of these could be wrong)
This post would have been funnier if I changed the name of the Kid Rock track and posted it, but I am too lazy to be clever. So just pretend like I did that and chuckle.

I Really Don't Care

They are building a Starbucks on campus. I was getting coffee at the little convenience store that has starting carrying coffee to take up the slack while Starbucks is being built and I happened to be next to this chick who had a weird haircut, and tights and all that indie nonsense and I said to myself, "I bet this chick is pissed about the Starbucks." So I said something snarky and lo and behold, she was mad pissed and then we fake comiserated and I mentioned that the truly awesome thing will be when they have a starbucks furniture store so that you can buy all the accoutrements and just stay at home and feel awesome. She was all, Totally. I pointed out that they already sell CDs, so we are halfway there. She was like, Yeah but they totally suck. And I said, Well hold on there, and I was thinking in particular of this one CD I have where BB king picked the tracklist and it really isn't that bad. Before I could explain this, the chick had rolled her eyes in disgust and gone off to buy a vintage fanny pack. Why do I tell this story? To point out that in this day and age, you basically ascribe to not liking Starbucks just like you ascribe to wearing weird granny clothes and listening to the Shins. On the grand scale of things, who really gives a fuck if the yokels have a Starbucks? This has been going on for some time and there will always be a market for people to go to small coffeehouses and get condescended to by kids with dirty-looking hair that read the Stranger and now feel all righteous. For the rest of the tards, there is Starbucks, and good for them. I don't go in there that often, but it looks like they are trying not to blow. They always have flyers with happy bolivian kids picking coffee beans and shit. I heard they are over that BGH, which is cool. HOller at me.

Looks Don't Matter That Much Anymore

Thought You Guys Should Know

I think that I have a responsibility to share this with you. There aren't really any words that I can add.


What are those hairy things on the fallopian (sp?) tubes? Cilia? Sorry.

In other news, Gonzo has retired. Or resigned. Or faded into the mist to work at some pseudo-governmental think tank. Unlike a lot of the world, I have not been that stoked about the resignation of Rove or Gonzo. At least when they were shitting all over us before, we knew where they were...now they could be in some evil command center deep beneath Dubai sacrificing kittens. Or something.

To My Homies on the Eastside

Welcome! I uploaded this song for you. Tell me how those late-night beardo hackysack jam outs go! I will, however, come over to your side of the freeway to eat your ribs, tacos and to ogle your tattoo-having, sidemullet-rocking women. Be warned. I love you.

P to the S...Are the guy from Matisyahu and the guy from Iron and Wine the same dude?

Im In Austin, Son!!!! (The Mixtape)

As a way to welcome myself back to Austin I have decided to post a mixtape that I put together a couple of weeks ago. At first I was concerned that it didn't "rock" hard enough. You will see that it really doesn't rock at all. There are absolutely no gnarly guitar solos or mind blowing, self-loathing lyrics. There is, however, an aaliyah remix. Enjoy.

EDIT: Tracklist;

I'm in Miami Bitch-LMFAO
Tears on Their Own (Al Usher RMX)-Amy Winehouse
It's Natural-Wayne Marshall
Ganja Farmer-George Dekker (?)
Swerve On-Battlecat
After Party-Koffee Brown
Rap-o Clap-o-Joe Bataan
Chocolate, Rasberry, Lemon and Lime-Muscles
Maraca-Marisa Monte
Nu Tones-Nomo
Wear 'em Out-Mohawk Lodge
B Without You (DJ Illo's Summer Bounce RMX)-Aaliyah
Breathe and Stop vs. Don't Stop till You Get Enough-???
Rock Steady (Danny Krivits Edit)-Aretha, MOTHERFUCKKAA!
I Choose You-Willie Hutch
Don't Go Lose It Baby-Hugh Masakella
Mit Dir-Jurgen Paape
Its True-Axwell ft. Salem Al-Fakir

Rear

Flight attendant butt is not what it used to be. Anyone who has flown southwest knows what I am talking about. Holler at me, pleated khaki shorts! I have to wonder though, what came first the mom-butt, or the mom jeans? Maybe flight attendant butts are like goldfish, if you give them enough tank, they will swell to monstrous size and kill us all. Just sayin.
P.S. Seana paul would definitely not tolerate mom butt.

Playa

I was waiting for my flight today and lo and behold I see this Brazilian girl I used to hang with when I worked at the gym at UCLA. I should mention that this chick is one of the most gorgeous women I have ever talked to and a proud addition to the list of girls that I have completely blown it with. As far as I can tell every single piece of clothing that this girl owns has some percentage of spandex in it and she rocks it to the fullest. She was stunning, 6am ponytail and all. Let me explain what I looked like; my flight left at 6 in the morning, meaning that I had to be there at 430, meaning that I had to get up at three something meaning that I didn't really sleep or shower. The last thing I was doing before I passed out was taking my bike apart to ship it, so I passed out literally covered in bike grease and sweat. While I was asleep I touch my face a lot so I arrived at the airport with straight up dirt on my face. So here I am looking at this chick thinking, "I am sure that my natural charm will shine through this dirt on my face." I go up to talk to her and right as I roll up and look at the horrified look on her face I remember that this chick had kicked me to the curb after I bailed on a date to play Halo with my cousin. Needless to say, she was not stoked to see me. HOLLLERRR!

Hey

Email to Anthony - 03.jpg
Originally uploaded by TheTransparentEyeball

I miss you too, but I am really busy trying to pack my life up again and move back to texas. Check out this awesome picture of me in the interim. I have a mix ready for you. be still

Proof That There is a God

People have tried a lot of shit to prove that there is a God. I am sure that I could wikipedia link some of said shit here, but I am way too excited about this new news that I gots for yall, that proves, once and for all that God exists and he is awesome. That's right, episodes 13-22 of trapped in the motherfucking closet!!! The question is "How much doper could this be?" And the answer is, "None more dope." Its like God is just sitting there, wondering how to blow our minds. This kind of awesomeness has to be a result of either devine intervention or straight up madness...or both.

I Am a Plagiarizing Bastard

So, some of you may remember my hilarious, yet informative, post about Jordy? Of course you do. Well, I have to admit that that song was given to me by my good friend and colleague, Lauren "Die Hammer" Hamer. I owe all of your praise and love to her. She eschews internet contact, but if you feel the need to stalk her, contact me and I will hook it up. Thank you for understanding.

Only On the Blue Line

Of all of the gifts that the LA Metro Blue Line has given me, I have to say, the steady supply of zany t-shirts on people who may or may not totally grasp the meaning of said t-shirt, still is the best. Today I saw a tiny mexican lady wearing this doozy in a XXL.



Shit was priceless. I will miss you LA.

Attention Austin peeps...Sexface will touch down in 4 days! Gird your loins!

Did You Know That Cheney Is An Effing Genius?

How much you want to bet Hannity and Colmes don't say jack shit about this?

God Bless America (and C-Span)

So the yacht thing didn't really work out.

But I did eat a shitload of crab. Those Marylandonians (?) stick the stuff literally everywhere, you can't escape it. I will tell you all about it, but I thought that first I would break you off with some Sexface photo action. Here goes...

I Am in Maryland Writing a Post About 50 Cent

This is the new art–done by Takashi Murakami–for Kanye's album which is slated to drop (that means be released) Sep. 11. Apparently, what our nation most desperately needs to heal our collective wounds over the terrorist attacks is over-produced, under-conceived nursery rhyme raps. Oh, and a continuingly lame college theme.

Thats how much I care that yall stay informed.
50 (cent) has come out in the press saying that if Kanye West sells more records than him in their respective upcoming releases, 50 Cent will stop releasing records. This puts in me in an awkward position, because I would really prefer that they would both stop releasing records and just pose constantly.

Oh and the baller status-ness of my boating shoes is unparalleled.

Not That Jordy

I sincerely wish that this post was about StarTrek barrier-breaker Jordy LaForge. But its not, it is in fact about something far more amazing than a guy from the future who is blind but can see when wearing a headband.

I speak, of course, of French child popstars. At first, I thought his song "Dur Dur D'Etre Bebe" was just a harmless, frogspeak chanson about the hardships of being a child in a country where they hate our freedom. It turns out that the truth is far more sordid. Jordy, who had a monstrous hit with this ditty, was only 4 and a half when he sang this. Now, while this was enough to win the squirt a spot in the Guinness book of world record for youngest dude ever to win a pop hit (or something), he was subsequently banned from French TV when people started to get the idea that good old Jordy was in fact being exploited by his baguette-grubbing, beret-wielding parents. Way to go, France. They are like, well, dude is being exploited, which is cool, we just don't want to see it. Anyways, here's the song.
What's that? What is Jord-O up to now? Oh, glad you asked, turns out that Jordy has decided to take out his angst against the world in a decidedly Anglo-Americain way, by becoming a Pop Punk Rocker. God help us.

The Salmon Dance

Last night I had a long, protracted dream about jellyfish. How fitting that I found this on my computer this morning. Oh yeah!

And check out this mix from a while ago from the girl DJ Gina Turner
Apparently, she is a burner and she will cut you.

Swing It Over Here, Shorty

The other day I was at one of those bars where they play a whole bunch of oldies and hipster chicks dress like sexy grammies. I kept on turning to people and asking them, "Wouldn't it be rad if the DJ dropped 'Shorty Swing My Way' right now?" No one thought so, but guess what, ninja, I just dropped it! Hollaa!

I really thought that INOJ sang this. Man was I wrong.

Party Poopers Rejoice

Does your neighbor party naked and shit happens? Or does he make lewd comments at your dog? Or are you just a scrooge and you hate it when other people get laid? Great news! Now, with Rotten Neighbor Dot Com you can google map that mofo and make sure that everybody on the interweb knows that they suck. And I already checked and I am not on there, thank god. What could be worse than reading what a whole bunch of squares think of your nutso swinger parties? Oh and Paris Hilton is definitely on there as well, check the listing in the hollywood hills.

Yachts and Khaki, Pleated Shorts

One of my secret dreams in life is not to own a yacht but rather to know some rich dude who lets me cruise on his. I will be, like, the amusing younger friend who gets to hang out and be slightly underdressed. There may or may not be some hot, disgruntled trophy wife action. I can't say for sure right now. Anyway, my dreams of freeloading my way to yachtdom are coming true as we speak. You see, my cousin, Robby is getting married in Annapolis this coming weekend and the dress code, as it was explained to me, consists of "Sort of Like Tommy Bahamas, You Know." The thing is I don't know. Apparently, though, this means dressing like a freeloading yacht dude, which is A OK by me. I purchased the other day my first pair of deck shoes and man, do I feel like a condescending prick. Its great! Now I just need to get myself under the tutelage of a shmarmy millionaire. I will keep you informed of my performance, which is sure to be epic.

Project Pat-uh

And for all of you fools that think that I am going soft just because I am posting about supermarkets and minimal music...I bring you some good, ole-fashioned misogynistic rap. Take that!

Mitsuwa

No joke, the Japanese have the supermarket game on lock. This is one of the things that I am going to miss the most in Austin, Mitsuwa Marketplace. When Japanese people say that a market is super, they fucking mean it. You could literally live in Mitsuwa, they have Ramen, fruity stationary, Pocari sweat, weird porn and a store that sells heated toilet seats.

Clever Post Title

corcovado mist
Originally uploaded by napalm nabuco

My brain is a bit broiled from a long night at Alex's Bar in Long Beach and a long morning of buying deck shoes (more on that later), so I am not up to my usual tomfoolery. I also–oddly–am not in the mood for loud ass, explicit dance music. Hmm...Here is what I have been listening to.

Alva Noto & Ryuichi Sakamoto-Aurora

A deep tissue massage for your brain.
Alva Noto, as best as I can gather, is some German dude who is famous for his glitchy, math-inspired soundscapes. Apparently he straight up writes algorithms and shit. That sounds serious. Ryuichi Sakamoto is a classically trained pianist who does tons of minimal movie music and electronic ish. He is also responsible for the music in the Derrida movie, something that I have forgiven him for, and you should, too. If you have a chance, he also recorded two albums of Jobim songs with Morelenbaum 2, a band composed of Paula and Jacques Morelenbaum. Jacques does a lot of the string arrangement for Caetano Veloso, who is my idol.
This track, rather inexplicably, reminds me of looking out a window in Rio at a rainy day, watching the mist swirl around Pão de Açucar.

Our Government is Some Pimps

FOX news just won in court, claiming that it is their first amendment right to be chock-full of horse shit.

In other FOX-related news...Bill O'Reilly's game is worse than mine! Holy christ, this guy is a weenie. Check Lords of Apathy for the full report on the falafel (sic) wielding sex offender. Is this what sexual harassment is like? Damn, I always thought it was a subtly off-color joke, but apparently people still say the word "boobs" to their co-workers. At least say something like yams, Bill.

Late Night

Contrary to what you, my loving public, may think, life for Sexface is not all fried chicken and lavender bubblebath. Even I find myself sitting alone at the Metro station at 1:30 in the morning trying to guess–and then trying not to guess–whether the dude next to me has soiled himself or not. My guess is that he has. Here are some, "I am wearing these headphones on the bus so you don't talk to me," type jams. Late night status.

I Didn't Understand-Elliot Smith
This song is very short, something that I can't say for the majority of dudes songs. I know you are a dead genius, bro, but come on, I got other shit to do!

Our Lives Are Shaped By What We Love-Odyssey
Did you know this? I always assumed they were shaped by market forces.

Open Your Eyes-Bobby Caldwell
This song is the grand pappy of boner jamz, and Common sampled it. Tell that to the next white guy with dreads you meet, they will likely be impressed. If you don't like this song, then I suggest you take a moment to seriously reassess your priorities.

Hk

Sent via BlackBerry by AT&T

Its All In Me

You thought I was joking about the heat on this blog? I don't mess around with the heat.

That song, "Im every woman" by Whitney Houston is one of my all time favorite songs. No joke. I remember when this song was rhulllll big and it got mad stuck in my head and all I ever wanted to do was sing it as loud as I could. This was definitely in the period of my life (puberty) where it was not awesome to go around singing Whitney Houston all the time. And that was probably the first time I wondered if I was gay. But not the last. Oh snap!! I keed, I keed. But seriously this Vandalism remix just brings back that whole strange attraction that Whitney had. Wherefore hath thou gone, Whitney?
Check Vandalism's Myspace, too, cause they have a baller-ass remix of Rihanna that I keep meaning to drop on one of my non-existent DJ mixes.

Whitney Huston-I'm Every Woman (VNDLSM RMX)

Remix linked from Palmsout

Tha 1st of tha month!?!

This is how stoked I am on this new blog.

The other day I was walking through my neighborhood Albertsons and I came upon (ew?) a copy of O magazine. First of all I am disappointed to inform you all that it is not, in fact, a magazine dedicated entirely to that one rip off of Othello with Mekhi Phifer in it. It is actually Oprahs magazine, about her own damn self. Every month there is a different picture of Oprah on the front of this magazine...here she's playful Oprah, here she's matronly Oprah, here she's, god save us, sultry Oprah. I walked a little more and Ill be damned if I didn't see that Rachael Ray had her own version going, except all of Rachael Ray's picture are "I'm on crack making spinach dip" Rachael Ray. So I sez to myself, I sez, Why should they get all the fun. I want a publication devoted entirely to myself. Imagine: every month, a new picture of me on the newstands, just lampin. Drinking a smoothie, frolicking in some gauzy number on the beach. Looking at the camera after being surprised in my den, tastefully lit with a gang of books in the background. Playing Jai Alai with the Prince of Dubai in Maui. Fuck it. The people would go apeshit crazy. So that is why I decided to make my every once in a while Myspace blog (which is about me, but come on, there are entirely too many other people's faces on Myspace) into a full-on me blog. Its like O magazine but with more sex and drugs and obnoxious dance music. And probably more penis jokes.

Oh and definitely more Bone Thugs.

So, the dealy from now on is that I will post the hotness here, copying the same posts on the Myspace for a limited time only, son! Panties, of course, can still be sent to the Myspace. Check back every five minutes, because this shit is going to be hoppin!!!

Mexico

I am not a big fan of cars. Not sure if you have noticed, but they aren't my thing. So, not being into cars kind of means that I am also not into gigantic fucking trucks. I have always looked at those dudes rolling around in those huge trucks and wondered, "What in the name of God is that person thinking?" Well, this weekend I was one of those dudes. Crazy, huh. I roll up to my cousin's house ready to demolish Mexico in some serious, bachelor party action and am greeted by a raised, pickup truck with a ATV, type quad-thing in the back. Turns out that Joe, the dude driving us to Mexico is indeed one of those truck dudes. I drove all the way to Rosarito, wedged in the back of this dudes truck, and I swear to Jesus we listened to the entire Lil' Jon album. All of it, and then the Ying Yang twins greatest hits. Jeah! Not to be too explicit, but by the end, my balls were bruised from the massive speaker that I was sitting on the whole ride there. And that was just the ride there. Highlights later included. 1) Gettting pulled over by the cops at 8 in the morning for being too rad. 2) Paying our way out of said infraction 3) getting myself lost, literally lost, in a mexican bathroom and that had no lights. 10 minutes yall. 4) Hanging out at the dunes where all the other raised-truck, little jon listening-to dudes congregated. 5) deep conversations with strippers. And a whole bunch of bachelor party ish. I never want to hear another pitbull song again.

Treat Yourself

Got linked to this shit thanks to the homies at Lords of Apathy, check their GIF game, it is on point.

WET CAT BLOG, DUNNY!

Its almost the first of tha month...

File Under: Are You Fucking Joking?

Could life be any fucking radder? Bun B, of UGK fame, has a blog. Check the post in which he uses the unfortunate fate of the veterans of the USS Indianapolis (they got eaten by sharks) as a metaphor for the rap game. " Shout out to my hip-hop survivors and the survivors of the USS Indianapolis!"
His ellipses game is also on point. Holla at ya boy.

Balls Deep

"They are like a gang of butt-fucking werewolves."-Baby Balls
There really is no way to describe my love for VBS.TV this show, Balls Deep His newest show is about Colombian Sewer Kids! Hurray! These guys do some grimy ass shit for pure love of doing grimy shit, which is absolutely awesome. Nice Brigade, eat your grass fed, organically raised hearts out.



You are welcome, now stop watching America's Top Food Network Star. THat shit has got me real sour on the Food Network right now, although their "Latin Giada," (my dad's terminology) has some serious potential. Holla!

Chocolate Rain

This morning I woke up and the ground was wet. I knew, because I was sleeping on it. Psyche! I rushed to the paper, thinking that our most massive drought of all time was over. It wasn't, we only got a hundreth of an inch. How wussy is that? Anyway, the good thing is that there is plenty of chocolate rain to go around today.


This song's name is "LA will make you pay," which is true, because this shit is mad expensive.
Burton Inc.-LA Will Make You Pay
This is disco madness, not like hipster disco-punk or some lame crap. Like "Disco Sucks" disco.

You may have heard that mashups suck. You may, in fact, have heard this from me. Usually that is true, but check this mash of Spacehog (?!?!) with that Party Like a Rockstar song, whose only redeemable value is the T-t-t-totally dude part.
DJ Skeet skeet's Totally Dude Megamix