Friday, September 28, 2007

More In You Than You

Why have I not been posting? Because I have been reading shit that this guy wrote.

Deep? Crazy? Who knows.

Monday, September 24, 2007

Holy Fuck

Sometimes I feel like I am literally just copy and pasting shit from Lords of Apathy, but their shit is on point!

Check this video from grime MC's Mention and DubbleEdge, both of whom happen to be my friends on teh Space. Odd.


Mapei may be the truth.

Sunday, September 23, 2007

I Am Trying Not to Gush

I am so stoked that I can barely type. I have been reduced to a quivering pile of ectoplasmic joy. I have been shouting at my dog, who looks confused. DJ /rupture is coming to Austin. I discovered Rupture's work a few years ago with the Minesweeper Suite, a mix CD that manages to connect the dots from the Maghreb to the favela, from Missy Elliot to Kingston...all without sounding contrived. DJ /rupture is the anti-Putamayo. World music in the real sense, not some voyeuristic, embroidered Guatemalan coin purse crap. Rupture is also aligned with the aforementioned 893 and keeps a great blog that will clue you into struggle music from around the globe. I uploaded some jams for y'all to check out.

This is a blend he did with Skream's Midnight Request Line and Knuck If You Buck. Dubstep and the dirty dirty together at last.

I fucked this up, so you have to download it, but just trust that it is worth it. This is an excerpt from Minesweeper Suite that includes Wax Poetics, Sade and a whole bunch of other radness.
Minesweeper chunklet

A remix that rupture did for Architecture in Helsinki that actually ended up being substantially better than the original.

There seems to be some sort of warping occurring with the embedded player. If it persists, just download that ish.

Saturday, September 22, 2007

Was Kate Bush Hot?

I think so. This song at least, is fucking amazing.

Andre 3000 Is a Retarded Genius

I would recommend that you turn this song off after the first minute. It really is atrocious, but Andre 3000 reasserts his dominance. He references Mel Gibson, Whole Foods and tofu in 30 seconds.

There is a reason why this guy can wear safari hats and I can't.
On the "actually not that bad" tip.

Friday, September 21, 2007

Terrible News

God hates us, as is evinced by the fact that that one dude who cried on YouTube about Britney Spears is going to get a TV show.

Thursday, September 20, 2007

Mind Blowage

You know when you are reading something that is supposed to blow your mind and you can actually see the place where the author was trying to blow your mind? But really you just think, Wow, that was supposed to blow my mind, what a d-bag. (I see you Derrida, or David Foster Wallace, or the Matrix, or Hare Krishnas) Well, this is not that. I have some real mind blowage for y'all, in the form of the man who has probably brought bogging to a realm of artistry never before seen by mankind. I give you, Umeancompetitor. I have been trying to understand what the fuck is happening with this blog for a looooong no avail. I can tell you one thing, though. He, 893, has invented a technique of making GIFs called giffordization, which is an homage to Frank Gifford. These GIFs were specifically designed to kill epileptics. The blog seems to concern mainly Michael McDonald, Star Wars Haircuts, Epcot Center, Dipset and posting lots of rap music. He is probably also autistic or a genius. Participate.

PS. Jim, you are going to crap.

Wednesday, September 19, 2007

Ricky Gervais

Ricky motherfucking Gervais was in an 80's band called Seona Dancing...mascara and all. Check out the vids at the TTL blog. Big ups to those guys for cluing the world in on this and having dope in-store performances.

On a Lighter Note

Nothing like belittling people who are better at you at sports...for not being able to rap.

Maybe Kobe should have learned his lesson.

Don't Taser Me Dude

Pigs are the detritus of society. I really believe this and me saying it has provoked several very, impassioned, incoherent sissy fits from people who have police officers in their families (my uncle is a cop and he gave me a gift certificate to Sharper Image last Christmas, so all cops are great people). I always feel that they need to realize that all they are is the blunt object wielded by the turds in the legislature against the rest of us morons. Nothing is worse than some pig waxing poetic about protecting people and caring and bullshit when we all know that the only function of the modern state is to protect property and its owners and if you are not a property owner, then fuck off. All of this does not suffice to make them "the detritus of society," though. What makes them the detritus of society is the fact that they blow at their jobs. Nothing is a better example than the taser. People go, "Well it is better than shooting someone." Are those now the two options? Doing nothing and shooting someone? Tasers are only used because these doughy tards are either too dumb or too pussy to tackle someone and put them in a headlock. I once saw a homeless guy who was guilty of running around with no pants on get tasered in LA. If your whole job is subduing people and beating their heads in, don't you think that you can learn judo or something? What a bunch of slobs.
Here is a video of some dude getting tazed while trying to ask a question at a John Kerry talk. What the hell was Kerry doing during this?

PS: If I got tazed I think that I might crap myself out of spite.
Linked from LOA.

Sometime I am Proud to Be Catholic

Rarely. But I just found out the Pope told Condi to go fuck herself with her "Meeting to discuss the situation in Iraq." When are these Wal Mart Christians going to realize that Catholics aren't the same as them. We drink much more.

Monday, September 17, 2007

Dudes, I am now part the human race. I have a account. Upside: now you can confirm the radness of my musical tastes. Downside: You are probably going to think that I am mad gay, since one of my most played artists of all time is Madeleine Peyroux.
Don't fucking look at me like that. Tell me you have never gone to bed after a few too many chardonnays and listened to "Between the Bars." No? Me neither.

Saturday, September 15, 2007

I'm Totally Crushing

This is getting embarrassing.

Thursday, September 13, 2007

Isn't That What Makes a Man?

"Mmm....sure that a pair of testicles."

Its feminisms week in Theory class! Sweet. Simone de Beauvoir kicked Sartre's ass, but I got to say Virginia Woolf is not my steez. I like my writings more polysyllabic. Be that as it may, I have solved the flipside of their problem. What makes a man? The crazy thing is that it has nothing to do with dicks or balls or adam's apples or football or anything like has to do with grocery shopping. To explain:

Yesterday I was in HEB–a chain of Texas-sized grocery stores–which is a very traumatic experience for someone of my disposition and it is even worse when there are tons of people. People buying flats of Diet Coke Plus, just because they are on sale. People touching all of the produce. People buying microwavable preservative bombs that will likely give them nut cancer which they will blame on something else. God has left this place. What is more pathetic are the dazed-looking pseudo-hippies with their HEB-brand organic canned beans, wandering about, pretend condescending. Everyone loves a good deal. And then there is the checkout line. The worst part of the check-out line is either the bratty kids who are listening to their iPods while their mothers try to reprimand them, or the magazines, I can't decide. The magazines are always extremely thumbed and leafed around so that they actually look like the foliage to the godless corridor that one has to traverse to pay for the 9-dollar, 4 lbs block of cheese. So I am there, depressed and convinced that I am going to die and be reincarnated as a 40-year-old checker with acne at HEB just because that is how shit goes; and then I look in front of me. Here is this woman, who appears to be talking to her mate, life partner, whatever the hell people call the person that impregnates you nowadays, on the cell phone. I say impregnate because there are quite a few packages of diapers and child-rearing crap on the belt. Come to think of it, there is a lot of crap on the belt. All kinds of first aid stuff–alcohol, neosporin, asprin, that stuff that clears up poison ivy, moleskin–cleaning supplies, food for a year, school supplies, the odd candle, beverages of all sorts, the list goes on. I look at my cart. Sandwich-related accoutrements, estimated to last for 4 days. Too much cheese. I forwent buying a bottle of oil because I am convinced that there is no reason why it should cost 12 dollars. Ill use my roommate's butter. This is really what being a guy is about. Buying the absolute least necessary to survive, hell, having the absolute least necessary to survive. I don't own a vacuum. I have one set of sheets that I wash once every two weeks (or so). Why the crap would I have more? If I get poison ivy, I will endure it until it becomes more than apparent that I am going to kill myself and then I will bike to Walgreens and buy the lotion and STILL BE PISSED. I was thinking that this might also be why guys don't want to get married. Then you have to buy the shit, or at least act like you think it is important to buy the shit. The worst would be to buy the shit before you don't have to, like imagining that someday a girl is going to come over and go, Why don't you have a bread knife? Aren't you a real person? Or maybe we all want the bread knife, but the girl gives us the out to tell our buddies, Oh yeah, my lady wanted to buy that thing, what a drag. In reality we are all, Fuck yeah, bread knife! That is all.

Tuesday, September 11, 2007

I'm the Bionic Man

As promised, I present to you my gross-ass scar. Now they claim that this time it will be smaller than the last one, but they also warned me that in a few years I might need cosmetic surgery to make sure that the scar tissue doesn't pull one nipple higher than the other. That would be embarrassing.

In the News.

Australian woman killed by exotic camel cock.

Sunday, September 9, 2007


Dude: Will you continue to accept lobbyist's money?
Hillary Clinton: Yes, I will.

Keep in mind that this was at some DailyKos convention, probably the most active "NetRoots" group possible. What a moron.

Im Alive

Sexface: 1, Congenital heart Disorder : 0

That's right, I just had a 50, 000 dollar unit implanted in my chest son! That's like a mid-range sedan. What you got? I was going to post some pictures but my incision looks kind of gross. Just wanted to tell you that I am going to be back on the internets, cause through the marvels of modern science, I now have plenty of time to waste.
Speaking of wasting time, look what I uploaded today.

Thursday, September 6, 2007

Giuliani is a D-Bag

We all know that Guiliani is a colossal fuck. You can never, I repeat NEVER, trust someone who has or had a comb over. A comb over is the coiffure equivalent of someone lying in your face and you know it and they know it but they just don't give a shit. That is what a combover is. I recommend that you public shame anyone who thinks this guy is dope.
PS check out the chuckle when he gets called out on Fox News.
Check out The Real Rudy if you want more dirt.

Real Talk

I just found this blog, via TSS, that seems to have the exact same sense of humor that I do. Above, witness them having a roundtable discussion about possibilities for the next R. Kelly song. Outstanding.

Tuesday, September 4, 2007

Great Moments in Internet Literature

I just received this email, you need to read it in its entirety to get the full effect:

You know that shape of humans.
Well humans are nothing like that.
But kept secret hidden inside somewhere.
Is where their circle is at.

Hi, guys!
Does my inner candle,
cast shadows on my cell.
Or does wind and castle,
cast shadows on my shell.

I am a vivacious woman with a variety of talents, seeking kind gentlemen for private encounters.
When you walk near a puddle at night,
and you see it contains the stars.
Then you pretend you comprehend,
that is what atoms are.

I am very healthy and fit. I offer a no-hassle, no-rush, playful, sensuous session.

It's all about the word impedance,
do you dream of that.
Like a dance on figure skates,
to stop you they react.

Whether you are looking for an hour or an evening of enjoyment, complete satisfaction awaits you!


Apparently, the poem fragments were randomly selected from some shitty Canadian's website, rearranged, sexified and then sent to me. Seriously, this stuff really gets me going. I have enjoyed reading this spam email much more than half of the crap that I have read in Grad School (I am looking at you, Lukacs).

Monday, September 3, 2007

I Cry A Lot

I seriously don't know what to make of Bush sometimes. Apparently he recently sat down with a reporter and had some "real talk." He talked about his legacy (apparently he knows that its shit) and how he is going to move to Dallas, get bored and go clear brush. What a fuck face. And then he tells the reporter that he, "Cries a lot." Are you joking me? Has he sunk so low that he is doing the "guys-cry-too" routine (I didn't know that was a routine). It is so much more degrading to have your country shit on by a wuss.
Full article here.

Embarassing Indie Rock Moment: Guillemots

So, even I, sometimes, wake up hungover and I just don't want to hear an obscure house track from 1982. Or listen to a T-Pain remix of some Akon song that R. Kelly wrote and Timbaland produced and Justin Timberlake choreographed. It is in these moments that I look around secretively and...listen to some whiny indie rock. Sorry, it has to happen some times, I am way more disappointed with myself than you are, so no sweat.
Guillemots is an excellent band, they really are. I bought their CD (? seriously, what is this? 2001?) in Austin, I believe, when I came out here to visit the first time. Back in those halcyon days when I was convinced that every chick in Austin was like Feist and that people would dig my really interesting thoughts. Then I realized that Feist is kind of annoying and my thoughts aren't really all that interesting. I can safely say that there is nothing innovative in this music, just good song writing and pretty snappy instrumentation (French Horns really impress me). Download this ish and make fun of me later.

Trains to Brazil
Made Up Lovesong 43

Sunday, September 2, 2007

It Came From the Hard Drive

My external hard drive has a life of its own, I sometimes feel that it downloads shit while I am asleep. Maybe one day I will wake up and it will be gone, moved to the new Robot City in Korea, lamping with all of the other self-aware harddrives. I am constantly finding astounding things on there, sometimes I put the iTunes on shuffle and I will leave the room, come back and be like, What the fuck is this? Kid Rock? And once it was. (side note: I am pretty sure that at one point in my life, I was on the quest to find the worst song ever made, my homie and I had a contest. This led to not a few drunk downloads of the Kobie Bryant rap album and the aforementioned Kid Rock/Sheryl Crow collabo.) So I found this track on my computer the other day and I really have no idea where it came from. It doesn't suck, though, it is actually kind of rad, so prepare yourself.
Camille-Assise (both of these could be wrong)
This post would have been funnier if I changed the name of the Kid Rock track and posted it, but I am too lazy to be clever. So just pretend like I did that and chuckle.